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tv   The Daily Show With Jon Stewart  Comedy Central  August 7, 2014 1:01am-1:34am PDT

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josh... here, buddy. thank you. jonah (o.s.): justin willman, everybody! kumail (o.s.): justin willman, everybody. thanks for coming to the meltdown! that's our show! that's our show, goodnight! thank you so much. thank you so much for coming! jonah (o.s.): thank you so much. kumail (o.s.): unreal. get the banana. >> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show with jon stewart."
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captioning sponsored by comedy central [theme music playing] [cheering and applause] >> jon: welcome. welcome to "the daily show." my name is jon stewart. we got a show tonight. wu-tang clan is going to be on tonight. the wu! history in the making. i mean, i got to tell you, if my name was jason and i wasn't here, i would be very upset about this show. but we're wishing you the best, jason. get home safe and then come and see wu tang with us. but before we get to that, which history in the making, political primary season still happening. last night huge news results in the g.o.p. tea party versus establishment civil war. that has been pitting young, hardline, right-wing tea party obstructionists against older ones. [laughter]
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it's the subject tonight. a number of primary votes yesterday, foremost among them, kansas. three-term conservative senator -- that's not him -- pat roberts. that's him. he risked defeat at the hands of his own real estate decision. >> "the new york times" revealed he does not have a home address in kansas. >> his voting address in the state is on a country club golf course. >> roberts spent just a total of 97 days in the state of kansas between july 2011 and august 2013. >> jon: 97 days over -- i'm pretty sure there are individual tornadoes that have spent more time in kansas. senator roberts, your defense? >> why don't you live here, though? >> every time i get an abone -- i mean, every time i get chance, i'm home. [audience reacts]. >> jon: truth is i only come
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to this [bleeped] hole when i have. to wow, that wasn't a freudian slip, that was a freudian stage dive. the only way that could have been more freudian is if roberts blurted out that he avoids the state because his hot mom lives there. [laughter] it's going to be hard to go to sleep tonight. it seems like roberts is a goner. hits only hope is his challenger, milton wolf, tea party raidologist, turns out to be some sort of twisted sociopath. >> milton wolf issued a statement sunday admitting he made insensitive comments after posting some gruesome x-ray images of gunshot victims of his facebook page. [laughter] >> jon: pat roberts, you are one lucky son of a bitch.
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>> wolf wrote a gunfire victim resembled a wound alien in a "terminator" film. >> jon: that's [bleeped] outrageous. forget about insensitivity. how do you elect a guy who thinks terminators are aliens? they're not. they're time-traveling cyborgs. they were made on earth in our future. did you even see the [bleeped] movie? that is disqualifying. [applause] i'm sorry. thankfully in a victory for nerds everywhere, senator roberts defeated mr. "i can't be bothered with the details of cinema's greatestality future sci-fi series." from the primaries, we move on to the general election. and one of this year's closest watched senate races in kentucky, named for its hills and mountains, and where 134-year-old political tradition continues. >> 15 anyhow political
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activists, candidates and vote centers what is the most unforgettable campaign spectacle kentucky has to offer. the annual fancy farm picnic is under way. >> jon: fancy farm picnic, they don't serve fancy feast at this farm, do they? because not they wouldn't love to see mitch mcconnell eating cat food from the mall, hashtag "cat-connelling," not sure that's going to catch on. the fancy farm is an fair where candidates are encouraged to roast each other from the podium. let's hear from allison lundergan grimes, mcconnell's opponent. >> when you see senator mcconnell on the same stage, you realize only one of us believe women deserve equal pay for equal work. if mitch mcconnell were a tv show, heed be "mad men," treating women unfairly, stuck in 1968 and ending this season. >> jon: and always bumping out to end credit with an ironically
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upbeat song, and then previewing next week the tells you nothing and mitch mcconnell would air sundays at 10:00 on amc, but not now because they're on a mid-season hiatus, which is something amc does like with "breaking bad." anyway, my point is this: mitch mcconnell is similar to that show. [laughter] but it wasn't grimes material that i liked, even though i did like it, it was senator mcconnell's reactions to her material. >> it's not easy become mitch mcconnell. after three decades in washington, you've just given up. i will hold you accountable, and i don't need hound dogs to track you down. thank you. [laughter] >> jon: he doesn't even move. not a single twitch. nothing. either mitch mcconnell has,
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through years long practice of controlled breathing and zen meditation achieved a deep, metabolism slowing transstate or that man is dead inside. brother, she's ripping you to shreds. blink. his reactions are so inscrutable, you could use them for anything. >> what's in the box. what's in the box? oh, god. >> jon: or... >> hey, everybody, we're all going to get laid! >> jon: or, i sure would like the have sexual relations. [laughter] while following a golf match. yep. well, we've heard grimes throw down. your move, mcconnell. >> obama wouldn't go down to the
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border. he said he didn't like photo ops. he's taken more selfies than flat stanley. [laughter] >> jon: flat stanley doesn't take selfies. flat stanley is a piece of paper. [laughter] mr. stanley asks second parties to take those photos on his behalf. they're not selfies. what the [bleeped] is with you guys. thank god kentucky's other senator rabid paul stopped by to restore some dignity to the proceedings. >> there once was a woman from kentucky... [laughter] >> jon: if you say whose [bleeped] was so long she could sucky,ly make you the new president of the united states. >> there once was a woman from
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kentucky, who thought in politics she'd be lucky. so she flew to l.a. for a hollywood bash. she came home in a flash with buckets of cash. one thing that we know is true, one thing we know is guaranteed, she'd cast her first vote for harry reid. >> jon: there once was a man named rand paul. his limerick skills sucked my balls. his coif was so curly, his prose made me surly, balls, balls, balls, balls. hey, i wonder how senator mcconnell liked my poem. [laughter] we'll be right back. [ man ] cortana, when my wife calls
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remind me to tell her happy anniversary. [ cortana ] next time you talk to caroline, i'll remind you. [ siri ] oh no, i cannot do that. oh, and remind me to get roses when i'm near any flower shop. sure thing. remind you when you get to flower shop. i can't do that either. cortana, it's gonna be a great night. [ beep ] oh wow!
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thanks for the traffic alert. i better get going. now that is a smart phone. ♪ oh, wait ♪ it's 'cause you make me smile ♪ hey, what are you drinking? i'll take a redd's strawberry ale! what? redd's! i think he wants this. redd's strawberry ale. fresh like a strawberry. brewed like an ale. it takes place in anhaha, cleveland... i love it babe. i'm not your babe. you weren't saying that this morning, when you're like... mmmmm mmmm mmm alright we're done. break up with lingering food. (ding!) mmmmm mmmm for that just brushed clean feeling... ♪ eat, drink, chew orbit
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[cheering and applause] >> jon: welcome back. welcome back to the program. my guest tonight, they're celebrating their 20th anniversary with a new album called "a better tomorrow." it's due out in november. ladies and gentlemen, wu-tang clan. wu-tang clan. hey, everybody. everybody. >> yeah. >> first of all, let me say this, it is an honor to have all of you together again. this is historic. i truly appreciate it. much respect to all of youing if being here. let's get a quick intro. >> ghost face. >> staten island, new york. >> bobby digital, bonk, bonk. >> inspectah deck, aka manny. >> the shep.
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killah hill. >> meth oodd man up in there. you know. yeah, yeah, you big, you g-o-d. >> yo, yo, it's the jizer. >> east new york, brooklyn. >> jordan klepper, kalamazoo, michigan. >> jon: i'm sorry. i got all those. but that last one i didn't. >> jordan klepper, kalamazoo. >> jon: you're in wu-tang? >> jon, yeah. ♪ can't decide why i be dropping this possibly they spotted me, jon ♪ come on. >> jon: that may be the worst
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thing i ever heard. you got to go. >> no wu-tang forever? >> jon: no. that was beautiful. all right. let me ask you this: so simon and garfunkel couldn't hold two guys together. how did this happen? how do we come back 20 years later and get everybody back together again? >> well, i think we are all striving for a better tomorrow. wu-tang, we have something in common with each other, a brotherhood, a respect, and when we say "a better tomorrow," we're striving to make a better tomorrow for ourselves, but also to inspire a better tomorrow for the world, yo. >> jon: how difficult was it to gather everybody? what was the biggest challenge, creative, business or political? what was the biggest challenge? chef? >> jon: or was chef the biggest challenge. >> i would say it's all of these
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things because, you know, we trailblazers in the music business. we been around the world. you know, we're doing our job. i consider this a sport. so, you know, i think it's important as an athlete of music to make sure that you got your business together, make sure you feel happy, whatever you want to do, you just got to feel good about it and know that at the end of the day you got your i's dotted, your t's crossed. we have families. we go out and work for our families. >> jon: right. >> my thing is if i'm not going to see my children and i'm out here doing a job, i think it's important for me to go out there and do what i say i'm going to do, get back home to them and hit up disneyland. >> jon: exactly. be santa claus. now, ghost, i was worried that we weren't going to have ghost, came in a little late. you're the heart. you're an emotional guy. you bring it from the heart. did you have reservations about coming back and laying down
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things? >> i mean, this is my life right here. you know what i mean? so this is my brotherhood. so we been tight ever since day one. you know what i mean? so as soon as he said, we coming back to do "a better tomorrow," i'm always with it. even though sometimes you got your little, you know, because i'm one that likes for everything to be right, you know what i mean, from the stage show, to the wardrobes and everything and everybody be on point. if one thing is off, it throws me off, but for the team, i'll take one for the team. i don't got a problem with that. >> jon: it seems like no matter what is going on in your lives individually, because you're all successful on an individual basis, which i don't think has ever happened before where you get a group like this where you have all these individual projects, then as a group you have that superstar status. is that how you feel when they say we're family, when the call comes in, you drop it and you come? >> absolutely. from... i think we've been so blessed to have the same job for
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like the past 20, 21 years, you know what i mean, and not hurt nobody doing it. and like soon as we came together for one common cause, we knew that what we were doing was something different and something great and it showed improvement in the end. >> jon: and it's always interesting to see the whole group. i know dirty's always on the mind. you keep him in your hearts as you go along. >> jon: who do we got? what do we got? oh, you know i'm going to sleep in this. i may have to put this on now. when we come back, historic performance from the wu-tang clan. we'll be right back after this.
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it only happens once a year. clearance event, super fun. of course you can get a great deal. hold on. 0% apr financing on a bunch of models. annual and it's right now. they're having fun. you can get all kinds of deals. come on down. yeah, you better hurry in. you tell'em jan sent you. during toyota's annual clearance event, get 0% apr financing for 60 months on a 2014.5 camry. offer ends september 2nd. for great deals on other toyota's, visit toyota.com thanks jan. ooh i got it. toyota, let's go places.
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grilled chicken, pico, fresh greens, cilantro, avocado, tortilla strips, and a drizzle of margarita sauce, all served with a bowl of soup. chili's fresh mex bowls from our lunch combo menu starting at 6 bucks. more life happens here.
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walked in to a mcdonald's and discovereden an extraordinary burger with heaps of jalapeños... ...for only two dollars. within minutes, they had also discovered the phenomenon of "economnomnomics" nomnom... nom? nom nom the jalapeño double, try it now for just $2 on mcdonald's dollar menu and more. it's economnomnomcial. ♪ nom...nom...nom... [cheering and applause] >> jon: welcome back to the show. now, performing their new single, "ron o neal." it's going to be available on imtunes tonight, welcome wu-tang clan.
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♪ we can have a better tomorrow superstar ♪ coach put me in the game other people try put me in chains ♪ put it in the frame put it in their brain ♪ some rappers do it for shame so do it for some change ♪ they ain't doing it the same the shooter is lame ♪ you never should have knew me in the game ♪ the lord hate warring blacks and caucasians ♪ slim from the cotton club walks in the scrub ♪ high when he cruises by
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flying with love ♪ a .38 smothered with love we believe that ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪
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♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪
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♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ [cheering and applause] >> w vo: this is the summer. the summer of this. the summer that summers from here on will be compared to. where memories will be forged into the sand. and then hung on a wall for years to come.
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get out there, with over 50,000 hotels at $150 dollars or less. expedia. find yours. in the word important. there are no numbers next up is jennie, your word is sensational. jennie: can you use that in a sentence please? amy: jennie's jacket is sensational and her cool teacher is wondering where she got it. jennie: old navy! amy: spell me this: how much did those clothes cost? jennie: actually they're having a back to school sale right now starting at 4 dollars. amy: don't sass me! jennie: excuse me, i'm not. amy: four dollars? jennie: four dollars! amy: f..o.r.e? jennie: f.o.u.r and jeans are on sale starting at ten! amy: she won! we gotta go we're all winners! hooray!
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remind me to tell her happy anniversary.
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[ cortana ] next time you talk to caroline, i'll remind you. [ siri ] oh no, i cannot do that. oh, and remind me to get roses when i'm near any flower shop. sure thing. remind you when you get to flower shop. i can't do that either. cortana, it's gonna be a great night. [ beep ] oh wow! thanks for the traffic alert. i better get going. now that is a smart phone. ♪ oh, wait ♪ it's 'cause you make me smile ♪ ♪ oh, wait a mint flavor that hointensifies as you chew.. 5 ascent gum. stimulate your senses. >> jon: wu-tang clan. they're on tour. now new single "ron os in neal" available on i.tunes at midnight
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tonight. they're going to play us out with triumph. >> everybody say wu >> tang >> wu >> tang >> wu >> tang. ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪
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♪ ♪ ♪ ♪
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♪ ♪ captioning sponsored by comedy central (cheers and applause) stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen!